“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” – John 3:18
In a new study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, researchers demonstrate the power of small acts of kindness. They conducted experiments involving different acts of kindness, such as offering someone a ride home or covering the cost of someone’s cup of coffee. In one experiment, study participants at a Chicago ice skating rink gave other skaters hot chocolate for free. Later, both parties were asked to rate how much the gesture was worth. The givers consistently undervalued how much the hot cocoa meant to the recipients. The small acts of kindness—the little things—turned out to be huge.
In a 2022 paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers reached a similar conclusion. They found that we tend to underestimate the power of reaching out to friends, family, and colleagues. According to the authors, a quick call or text can make a big difference in the life of the recipient. Once again, the research suggests that little things are big.
My experience over the past 24 hours bears that out. Three friends of mine have done some seemingly small things. They aren’t seeking recognition, but you need to know about them. And we need to “go and do likewise” (Luke 10:37).
First up is Miss Anna, a disabled, wheelchair-bound widow from our congregation. Although I don’t know Miss Anna’s financial situation, I’m confident her heart is far larger than her bank account. Last night in the church lobby, she motioned for me. That sometimes means she’s about to get onto me for not being loud enough during a sermon or Bible class. “Use your outside voice,” Miss Anna often implores. “You know I can’t hear.” But last night, she had nothing to say. She simply handed me an envelope with cash inside and patted my hand. Miss Anna heard about our upcoming disaster relief trip to Valdosta and felt compelled to give. A big heart will do that to a person. And big, giving hearts are noticed by Jesus, as we learn from the story of “a certain widow” with two small coins in Luke 21. Little gestures—little things—are big.
This morning, another dear friend, who happens to be my oldest son, was called in to help a hospital-bound child who needed to be measured and fitted for a tricky, custom brace. The interesting part of this story is that Jason, due to an awful bout with Lyme disease, hasn’t done prosthetics or orthotics in nearly two years. He was brought “out of retirement” to advise the official provider who lacked experience to handle the intricate case. Jason interrupted day trading—his new career—to help a child in need. If you think that small act of kindness isn’t a big deal, you’ve never been a hospital-bound child needing a brace to walk. Little things are big.
Later this morning, while covering Science at a local Christian school, I wandered to the front office in search of a cup of coffee. You must understand that I love coffee. Like good books, high-end running shoes, and Jesus, coffee is essential. Without the soothing, caffeinated beverage, I operate at 40%. To survive Anatomy and Physiology this morning, I desperately needed a cup. I asked Miss Sheila, the high school secretary, if there was any chance there was a drop or two of leftovers from this morning.
“I’m so sorry, Steve, we didn’t make a pot this morning,”
“No worries,” I lied. “No big deal. I’ll be fine.”
Truth be told, without coffee, I planned to stab my temple with an Erlenmeyer flask and crawl into a fetal position inside the biosafety cabinet. But Miss Sheila didn’t know that. I hid my desperation. Forty-five minutes later, while clutching the flask, I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to find a smiling Miss Sheila with a large Dunkin’ Donuts coffee in her outstretched arms! For me! I mean, who does that? Who goes to the trouble to have coffee delivered to a lowly sub? That’s absurd! Her “small gesture” was also the highlight of my day! Little things are big.
Amit Kumar, a psychology professor at UT Austin and one of the authors of the Journal of Experimental Psychology study, says we limit our actions because we routinely misjudge their impact on others. He writes, “Not knowing one’s positive impact can stand in the way of people engaging in these sorts of acts of kindness in daily life.”
Why do little things have such a big impact? For that answer, we turn to Mymento, a seller of unique gifts. The company suggests four reasons why a small gesture feels like something big:
1. It reminds us that we’re being thought of. Whether the gift we receive is material or immaterial (e.g., time, conversation, etc.), it makes us feel important and reminds us that we mean something to someone else. Miss Anna’s financial gift will be small as a percentage of the total needs of the disaster victim who receives it. But it will come in a card with an encouraging Bible verse. The person who receives it will know that a Christian from Tennessee—someone they’ll probably never meet—is aware of and doing something about their dire situation. They are being thought of, and that realization generates hope. As prisoner Andy Dufresne put it in The Shawshank Redemption, “Hope is a good thing. Maybe even the best of things. And good things never die.”
2. It shows us that people care. The young man who received the custom brace this morning may or may not be old enough to appreciate that people care. But I bet his parents do! After this morning, they know the hospital cares. They know the orthotist cares. And if you know anything about Jason, you know he cares for people to a fault. God gave that man an XL heart.
3. It demonstrates that people are paying attention. This morning, I appreciated that Miss Sheila was paying attention. (In fact, few things inspire me to write a blog during the first NFL game of the year!) Something as simple as a cup of coffee put a smile on my face. As I blissfully sipped the warm beverage, I couldn’t help but wonder how many “small things” this big-hearted school secretary notices and addresses throughout the day.
4. It gives us something to hold on to. I have a large collection of family Bibles. In fact, the word is out in our family that “when you die, your Bible—at least one of them—goes to Steve.” These gifts mean little to anyone outside our family. I wouldn’t get much for them on eBay. But they mean the world to me. My mom has left this world, but I have her memory and her Bible. Both are gifts I hold on to.
So, what do we make of little things? I’m beginning to think they don’t exist. What if, in God’s eyes, our little acts of kindness are huge—epic actually? What if the better measure is not the size of the giver’s act but the impact on the recipient? That changes everything.
Here’s the challenge: When in doubt, send the encouraging text. Make the phone call. Mow the neighbor’s yard. Offer the donation. Make the brace. Let the stressed-out single mom cut in line. Offer the last chocolate chip cookie to your sibling. And, if you see an old guy wandering the halls with a dazed look, clutching an Erlenmeyer flask, get that man some coffee stat!
Little things? They’re huge!
Having read all of your articles, I must say I like this one the most. Little acts of kindness are gestures of love, light and gentleness. We as Christians should be looking for ways to sprinkle that stuff everywhere. You and Janet certainly do. As a side note, I too collect family Bibles. They’re more precious to me than gold.
Love it. Thanks, Steve.
Thank you for this reminder and encouragement.❤️
Great read…and yes, Mrs. Shelia is the best!
So,so true !!
Great story! I didn’t know that about Jason and his struggle with Lyme disease 😞