Merry Christmas from Da Johnsons and welcome to our 35th consecutive holiday update!
I finally felt like my life was back on track this year, post-Covid, and then Janet convinced me to take a home sleep apnea test. Why? Because, according to her, “Every night a freight train parks in our bed and revs its engine for several hours.” Although I suspected these were menopause-induced hallucinations, I agreed to take the test. Big mistake. The results confirmed “mild sleep apnea” and the VA recommended a “Certain People Are Chubby” (CPAP) machine—thus ending any chance of me living a normal life.
So now, every night, I get to clamp a plastic facepiece to my mouth and nose, supported by a head strap and four elastic, facial abrasion-inducing Velcro bands. Visually, I fall somewhere between “8th grade dork” and Darth Vader. On the first night of usage, Janet, who brought this on, had the nerve to ask, “Is it comfortable?”
“Sure, hon,” I replied. “I love having a polycarbonate octopus sucking my face throughout the night, forcing compressed air into my mouth and nose, with a tube tethering me to a mother ship, and some pimply-faced VA lab technician downloading my results in order to give me a “Sleep Score” and condemnation for not sleeping well enough! It’s the best! And as a guy who has to pee twice/night and has neuropathy in both feet, it’s so much easier traversing our bedroom in the dark and kicking furniture with a facemask strapped on. Then I catch my reflection in the bathroom mirror with a horror not felt since Sigourney first locked eyes with the Alien back in ’79. Thanks, hon! Maybe next year I can get cactus needle-lined boxer shorts to wear to bed!”
Recently, Janet suggested I “remove the mask”—code for some unspecified romantic purpose. Determined to get my revenge, I shook my head and, in my deepest voice, responded, “Luke, I am your father.”
Despite this troubling development in the bedroom, Janet continues to be a caregiver extraordinaire to her parents, managing meds and appointments and keeping everyone fed and sane. She always has some church outreach project going on, sharing Christ’s love with the community. In her spare time, you’ll find her crocheting gnomes, hats, pumpkins, and anything she puts her mind to or gets a request for. She also agreed to help me sub in the 18–24-month class at Knoxville Christian School one day and ended up changing 13 diapers while I did puzzles! (That’s my girl!) She’s looking forward to speaking at another Ladies Day in Texas in February.
I continue to write, speak, sub, and do disaster relief and mission work. My 6th book, Journey Through Genesis, is a devotional commentary on the book of Genesis and available on Amazon. Disaster relief took me to Kentucky twice this year and then to Fort Myers with Janet. Lots of hurting people out there. Mission work took me to Honduras, the local prison on Thursday nights, and another month of preaching in Maui—tough gig but someone has to do it! We were thankful that our kiddos were able to join us in Hawaii this year for some swimming with turtles, volcano hiking, and Loco Moco.
In February, I was invited to speak on “love and romance” at a church’s Valentine’s Banquet in Knoxville. After hearing my talk, Janet checked my I.D., certain I was an imposter. In April, we traveled to Tampa so I could officiate the wedding of Caleb & Kylie, 2 of my former students. Seven years earlier, before they were dating, I had a hunch and told them they would one day get married. They laughed. Well, who’s laughing now? I also got to speak on being a Christian dad at a men’s retreat in Florida and about my AT thru-hike at the Old Courthouse in Blairsville, Georgia (with friend, fellow AT thru-hiker & Lipscomb grad, Ralston Drake).
In May, Jason, whose health and career were turned upside down by Lyme Disease, and wife Rachel, sold their home and moved in with us for 5 months during his recovery. Despite the circumstances, it was a blessing having 3 generations under one roof and an occasional golfing buddy. Jason is now doing much better (praise God!), and they have returned to North Carolina, where he is day trading, and they are “test driving” Elkin as a landing spot. Meanwhile, Kyle and Laci continue to enjoy preaching and occupational therapy, respectively, near St Louis. We took a road trip with Jason & Rachel to see them over the summer. While there, we hit a few of our “old haunts” from our Air Force assignment across the river.
In July we headed to Cape Cod for a wedding celebration and a week of camping with our long-time friends, the Diamond family! Sitting on the front row with the energetic Diamonds for a local theater company’s presentation of Mama Mia would have been worth the trip by itself, but we also got to hike, beach, shop, and eat fresh seafood. (For your own taste of Diamond family joy, check out the link at the bottom of this blog.) Later that month, we headed to Cincinnati to see Steve’s dad and his bride and take in a Reds v. Cardinals game with several extended family members. We returned in November to take him and Gail to his old alma mater, Kenyon College, the details of which are in an earlier blog.
We were grateful for a full table at Thanksgiving filled with our kids and Janet’s sister and her husband, Carol and Scott. We ate tons of food, played games, and laughed till our bellies hurt.
In other news, we discovered this year that Janet’s father, Papa Raymond, who lives with us, eats his Cheetos with a fork! I mean, who does that? As troubling as that discovery was, he’ll be 90 in July and it’s not like we can just put him out on the street. That would be wrong. However, if we ever decide to put him out on the street, I’ll be sure to send him with two days’ provisions and a used CPAP machine.
On a sadder note, we said farewell this year to Rachel’s father, Ron Swift, who went to be with his Lord sooner than anyone expected. His memorial—his life—is a reminder of the importance of treating everyone you meet with respect and dignity—making each person you encounter feel valued. Ron did that better than anyone. His passing also reminded us that life is short, to make each day count, to be in Christ, and to never miss an opportunity to express love to others. So, with Ron’s legacy in mind, we’ll close this annual update by reminding you that God loves you and we do too! Merry Christmas!
Joy to the World w/ the Diamonds:
